Anticipation must be the stuff of mind.
It’s been 9 months since I left the sunny shores of
Thailand, hurled into a contrasted Western world filled with the pace and
stresses we all agree are necessary. To accomplish what is unclear, in truth I’ve
never understood the totality of the point. The ability to watch a doctor singe
genital warts on "Embarassing Bodies" whilst I ride the exercise bike is not something I’m totally sure
I require, but it’s there and I guess every day I am able to take it for
granted.
It’s a curious response in others eyes when I tell them I’m
off on holiday again. Sometimes the thought is almost audible, screaming
through the tiny nuances of body language that say infinitely more than words
ever could. I guess at the end of the day my contribution to the GDP is not
totally obvious, that I’m opting out for 3 months is the spoilt privilege of a
circumstantial lottery I won that enables this freedom. And yet, I still
believe the answer to the question of “why” is, “why not?”
If pressed to say what I’m searching for, I guess the answer
would be “peace”. But what does that even mean? What is peace? Children of the
enlightened world placard with signs begging for it, frustrated mothers
consider shaking their children to accomplish it, and fat people reach for
another one of it. Wait, is that peace or piece? I’m not even sure what is what,
it’s midnight and I’m on a low carb diet having just got back from 90 minutes
at the gym working it. On a school night. And I think therein lies the reason I
need to get out of all of this periodically.
There is a feeling that I get in the absence of the 1st
world that seems tangible. None of us are born with an instruction manual on
what to do with our lives, and yet in the same instance there is a feeling we
get about actions and reactions that couldn’t be misconstrued as anything other
than guidance. It is tangible that helping others is rewarded with happiness, that
hurting others is punished with something empty inside, and watching any media
about Kim Kardashian will absolutely ruin your soul. It is an evident
dichotomy, that there is no guidance and yet there totally is. It is part of
being human.
This is what I’m searching for, the assembling of the true
nature of how to be a fully expressed human. I believe that the fulfillment of
society’s promise cannot guarantee that we shall find our peace, even if there
is an inadvertent opportunity to find it along the way. I don’t even see this
as a goal or intent of what we are trying to accomplish as a people or society,
and for this we are punished. With stress, with disease, with a feeling of loss
and separation and disillusionment. Though
it is important to note, we are punished by these actions, not for them. We are
the judges, and nobody lays down a harsher sentence for ourselves than us,
ourselves. If anyone asks, I’m off to steal the judges gavel, and maybe set
fire to that terrible wig.
And so once again, I’m off to Asia. With my beautiful
girlfriend Jelane, to knock down the Jenga tower, check each piece and put it
all together again. Just because. To reconnect and reinforce the part of me
that loves and laughs and runs into the future, arms outstretched and ensured
of fulfillment. And have a bloody good laugh along the way.
Follow me on my travels, I promise to make it as
enlightening and enjoyable read as I can.
June 26th. Roll on, the anticipation conjures
swells of mind. Oh peace, where art thou?
Soon.
